I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i now understand why vodka
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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