I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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