and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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