you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they call him Oral-B. enough said
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
