Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
