chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well I can't set my house on fire every night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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