Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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