he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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