giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
