I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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