I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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