She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
