Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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