Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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