Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
