If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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