Do you still have your period?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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