Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
