For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
