glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
