I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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