So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
