I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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