You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
