I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
