I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
