Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?