I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
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I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.