Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
