im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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