i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
