I met the friendliest cop last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
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You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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