I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
