That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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