Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
