Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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