Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
