im about as happy as oj after his trial
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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