this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
