I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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