I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
