so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
