Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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