my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
