She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just had sex on a roof
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
