i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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