She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
