i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
