heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
