I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
