So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
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Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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