I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
