Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.