My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.