im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.