you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
