He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail