i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
