In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
