listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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