I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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