Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They should really pass out barf bags in church
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
