New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
