u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
