Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
In America we eat man semen.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
