My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
