I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
