my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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